I have really begun to fall in love with writing. I have been doing it just about everyday now. Who would have thought that a guy like me would have fallen in love with something like writing. Being able to use words to convey feelings and thoughts that one finds hard to say out loud is amazing. This blog I am going to use written words to once again write something that I find hard to admit out loud. Yes this is a blog that is all about me and the inner struggle that no one sees. I am usually a very straight forward person but even the most honest people still hold things inside. So this is me confessing some of the things that only God sees from me.
I decided the title for this note while walking around Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning. That’s right, the inspiration to write this blog came at Wal-Mart. Who says that place isn’t a good place to go to? Anyways, I have recently felt as though I may be struggling with depression. Not really sure why but I have for some reason been unable to sleep. I sit in my bed for about 3 hours before I finally fall asleep. I have to admit that this Depression is all because of myself and not the medical chemical imbalance problems in ones brain.
I feel God has begun to work in me in a way that honestly I was not prepared for. Thus myself has been fighting back very intensely. I know some of you are sitting here reading this and are thinking, “Why would you fight God?” Well honestly in some way or another we all fight God. I mean think about it God calls some people to be single but yet they continue to seek for a mate. Others he has called to the ministry but they fight him and act like their own life pursuit is much better.
Well since I have been fighting back I have just gone into this state of depression. I know God can cure me of it if I just submit to his will and run after his will and not my own. The thing is, Gods will for me is kind of scary. Following God at times feels like walking off a cliff blindfolded hoping that He catches you before you hit the ground. I know that is kind of an extreme example but I am explaining how I feel. Now how it may feel to you when you go through it. Everyone goes through things differently and everyone, even though we have the same emotions, feels things differently.
I pray that my honesty in this shows that I am human and just because I do write some very deep notes at times that I am human. I strive to be more like our Father in Heaven everyday but I come up short just like everyone else. And thankfully I do, because if I did not come up short if I was in my own mind perfect I would have no need for a Savior. Praise Jesus for my imperfection! Well I hope this blog has touched you in some way and I pray that whatever you are dealing with that you are open to admitting them. Accountability is a beautiful thing and it is through it that we can strive to be closer to Christ.
Love You ALL
Brent
P.S. Since I love writing do you think I should actually start grammar checking my notes? I never do that I just write and post.
3 comments:
You say, "The thing is, Gods will for me is kind of scary." Honestly, I find that very hard to believe. What is scary about the will that brought you into existence and granted you salvation? How is doing what God wants not the most natural thing we can think of?
I struggle with this a lot. I often find myself saying, "God, I like your plan and all, but if you would just ____, then it would all work out." But when I look back at that mindset, I see that my own ideas are nothing compared to God. So let's start believing Him.
-Miles
Miles you hit at the core of my blog. Why is it scary? That is the thing, as followers of Christ most days we walk the complete opposite way from God because we think we know better. In essence we are scared of what God wants for us.
Thanks for the comment
I don't think its exactly that we are scared of what God wants, I think that we are scared of what people around us will think of His will. We are far too afraid of man, and we are far too apathetic toward God.
If an atheist watches us follow Him in a (seemingly) stupid path, he will mock us. But that mockery sounds like a great avenue to sharing the gospel. So our fear of man not only destroys our relationship with God, it also hinders our ability to share the gospel. It sounds like we need to change something.
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