Confession 2

So it is a little past 4 in the morning and I still have not gone to bed. Just finished watching the movie “Warrior” which I strongly recommend but this blog is not about that. I just felt like I should write really quick in order to clear my mind before going to bed. So I hope you take the time to read this.

Well I am currently going through a very humbling process and that is a very very good thing. For a while I have been holding things inside. Fears and doubts had taken over my being to the point where I was unsure of what I was supposed to be doing. The people who know me the best know that any time I talk about going to school for something other than Ministry, that, that is when I am struggling the most in my walk with Christ. We serve a personal God who wants to have a personal relationship with each of us yet I thought I could do better than anything God wanted for me. I left seminary because fears and doubts had taken over me. The more I am honest with myself the more I see my pride and sin of self being the main reason I left Texas. Most likely if you had talked to me about it I probably told you that I just didn't feel like that is where God wanted me. But if I am honest with you that is a lie. I just did not want to be there. I felt lonely there because I put no effort in getting to know people. I lost about 40 pounds while there because I was battling inner demons and sin to the point that all I would do is go to class, work and then spend most the rest of the night working out.

I can think back to a conversation I had with one of Pastor friends named Lonnie while I was in Texas and I can remember him telling me on the phone that he felt like I was right where God wanted me to be. But the second I got off the phone with him I was angry and thought it was silly. When in all honesty he was 100 percent honest. I spent a good amount of time yesterday on the phone with my mentor in ministry Ron just confessing some things that he already knew. He lives in Texas so he was right there when I was going through it and he knows me well enough to know when I am struggling. I sat their confessing my sin to him and apologizing for my actions and all I wanted to do was break down in tears. When I was going through the time I would listen to no one even though if I had I wouldn't be writing these blogs.

Tonight I talked to one of my best friends Jeff on the phone and it really hit me just how much God had provided for me when I was down there. A week before I left for Texas I didnt have enough money to get there but God provided money from people that I would never have expected. Then when I was there I got one of the best paying jobs on campus and was able to work up to 40 hours a week. Also my boss gave me everything I needed for my Apartment. I went to Texas with nothing, no bed, dresser, couch. Nothing but what could fit in my car. And again God provided all those when I got there. But yet I told people he did not want me there and in sense forgot all the blessings he had been providing from before I even went there.

So I write this in order to confess my sin to you all. James 5:16 says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” I hope you all accept my repentance and my apology to you all. This truly is a very humbling process for me and I have many people to still talk to about this but I know there is many I will forget to talk to so that is why I write these confession blogs.

God is continuing to humble me and I long to be in His will above all else. God has truly been piercing my heart a lot recently and I feel like God had a plan and still does for me down in Texas. So I continue to pray and seek him in the decision but it looks like in August I will be moving back down there to finish seminary. I hope my honesty and vulnerability with you all helps you to forgive me for my wrong doing. 

I truly love you all.

Brent


P.S. Its 5am  now and I didnt really read back over this or revise or put commas or other proper punctuation. So I apologize for that if it is hard to read. 

NBA Teams

List of NBA teams and where they rank in my heart. From my favorite to my most hated.

NBA Teams

1. Thunder(Im an old school Sonics fan)
2. Bulls
3. Suns
4. Lakers
5. Mavericks
6. Spurs
7. Knicks
8. Celtics
9. Clippers
10. Kings
11. Raptors
12. Magic
13. Wizards
14. Nets
15. Grizzles
16. Trailblazers
17. Hawks
18. Rockets
19. Bobcats
20. Jazz
21. Pacers
22. Hornets
23. Warriors
24. Timberwolves
25. Nuggets
26. Heat
27. Pistons
28. Cavilers
29. Bucks
30. 76ers

NFL Teams

Just like the list of Baseball teams here is a list of the 32 NFL teams and where each one ranks as far as my like and dislike.

NFL Teams

1. Dolphins
2. 49ers
3. Giants
4. Rams
5. Chiefs
6. Browns
7. Lions
8. Seahawks
9. Falcons
10. Bucs
11. Vikings
12. Cardinals
13. Saints
14. Panthers
15. Ravens
16. Broncos
17. Packers
18. Chargers
19. Raiders
20. Titans
21. Jaguars
22. Bills
23. Colts
24. Texans
25. Bengals
26. Eagles
27. Bears
28. Redskins
29. Cowboys
30. Steelers
31. Jets
32. Patriots

Favorite Baseball Teams

Here is a list of all 30 Baseball Teams and which ones i like the best and worst. Thought about doing this because people keep saying fair weather fans.

Baseball Teams

1. Rockies
2. Royals
3. Rangers
4. Indians
5. Yankees
6. Cubs
7. Orioles
8. Phillies
9. A's
10. Mets
11. Cardinals
12. Braves
13. Pirates
14. Diamondbacks
15. Reds
16. Astros
17. Nationals
18. Marlins
19. Rays
20. Blue Jays
21. Mariners
22. Twins
23. White Sox
24. Tigers
25. Giants
26. Padres
27. Brewers
28. Angels
29. Red Sox
30. Dodgers

Christmas in October?

Yeah I know its October and some people say you are not allowed to speak of Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving. But truth is no one likes those people(Jesus loves you all though) So I have decided to begin my Christmas movie watching now so that I can make sure to get all of them in before December 25th. Below you will find a list of the movies I need to watch. Feel free to join me at any point to watch these movies.

1. Elf
2. The Santa Clause
3. Muppets Christmas Carol
4.Gremlins(takes place during Christmas so it counts)
5.Die Hard(He saves people at a Christmas Party thus it counts)
6. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
7. Home Alone
8. Scrooged
9. Miracle on 34th Street.(1947 version not the one with the girl from Matilda)
10. Its a Wonderful Life
11. Christmas Story
12. Santa Clause 2
13. Home Alone 2
14. Mickeys Christmas Carol
15. Charlie Brown Christmas
16. Rugrats Christmas
17. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
18. White Christmas
19. Polar Express
20. Ernest Saves Christmas
21. Best Christmas Pageant Ever
22. The Preachers Wife
23. Nightmare Before Christmas
24. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians(Mystery Science Theater 3000 Version)

If i forgot any feel free to recommend a few. But this is the main ones I want to watch over the next 2 months. Feel free to come watch them with me.

Suffering

It has been awhile since I have written a blog but today seems like a good day. I must admit that this week has been the worst one of the year. You know just one of those weeks where one thing goes wrong, then another, then another and then it all ends with something else going wrong. (Dont worry everyone this will not be a depressing blog.) The reason I started out with that is because I think weeks like these are important to our walks with Christ. The weeks where it seems like all is falling apart is the moment when we find out who we truly love. John 16:33 says ““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Christ came to earth to die for us so that in him we may have peace. He admits that things will not be easy. We will suffer. The moment we begin to follow him the powers of evil are going to come against us. The last thing Satan wants is for us to follow Christ. The one he knows has beaten death at deaths own game. So we should rejoice in our struggles because we know that in Christ we will have peace. Louie Gigglio has a quote that says “Suffering is the megaphone to our heart” This quote has so much truth because it is a very good indicator in life how much we love Christ when we suffer.

So we all must rejoice when these weeks come. We should seek Christ in the midst of them because true peace only comes from Him. And when these weeks come we need to use them as a indicator of where we are in our walk with Christ. We will learn very quickly how close we are to Him when these weeks happen.

So if you are going through a week or a month like this right now. Seek him he offers peace to you. Let him reveal to you the areas of your life where sin is still holding on to you. Let him comfort you in your pain tonight.

Love you all.

Brent

He is FAITHFUL

Tonight I am having trouble sleeping. It is about 2am and I can not clear my head. I just really felt like I should write a blog so I got up and now am sitting here writing. So I pray that the words that are written tonight are of God and not of me.

My past recently been popping back up in my head. Not in a bad way but more as a way for God to show just how much he has changed my life. It has had its ups and downs. There was the moment where I first began to understand the Grace of Christ and the forgiveness he offered. Then there were other times when my life was spinning out of control and it did not seem like I would ever get out of that pit. But through it all God was always faithful and continues to be today.

Websters Dictionary defines Faithful as being “loyal, constant, and steadfast” To be faithful in summed up terms means to be unwavering and showing continues support to someone” That is the definition of our God in heaven. One of my favorite verses comes from 2 Timothy 2:13. It says, “If we are faithless, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL” I wanted to make sure to put the last part of that verse in caps because I felt it was very important. It says if we are faithless He is faithful. Many times in my past I have seen where I have lost faith but God is faithful throughout that whole time.

Some of you today may have been caught in a sin that you think is too huge to be forgiven. Remember that to God all sin is the same and he is faithful to you if you call out to him. Seek him. Some of us have got so deep in hidden sin we feel like we cannot hear God calling out because we have forgotten how to listen. Call out to him and honestly seek him, he is FAITHFUL. Others may be struggling with not knowing which direction to go in life and you feel as though God must not have one for you. Seek him and trust in him because he is FAITHFUL.

One final thing about God being faithful comes from 1 John 1: 9. It says,“ If we confess our sins, HE IS FAITHFUL and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” So as you finish reading this truly seek out God. He is faithful to hear you and rescue you. Some of us may be in such a pit that we cannot see the way out. Trust me GOD IS FAITHFUL to get you out. Seek him today. Sin separates us from the Father and for some of us it has been a long time since we have confessed to God. Like the verse said HE IS FAITHFUL to forgive.

Every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future. So never feel like you don’t. Seek God and let him restore you and make you new. Let him come in and take your old life and create a new and better life. HE IS FAITHFUL. HE IS FAITHFUL. Do not forget that. GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Love you all
Brent

Whose to Blame?

In life we often try to blame other people for our problems or the direction our life is taking. If things are not going well for us at a church it is the churches fault and we get mad and leave. If we fall into a party life style and get drunk all the time and do other things we shouldn’t we blame our friends. If things are not going the way we like and seems like everyone is not working with us in an organization or something we blame the organization as a whole. My question to you is that right? Yes I believe that bad company corrupts good character(1Cor. 15:33) but can we place the blame fully on those people? Is not an ounce of it our own fault.

With this thought process I realized a very important truth that is too often overlooked. That truth is that we cannot blame our sin on something or someone other than ourselves. We forget that we have a sinful nature and we have self centered desires of our hearts. We see this idea in James 1 where James is talking about temptations.“

This scripture is very clear cut on how sin enters. It is us being pulled away by our own desires. We are sinful people and there is no way around that fact. I listed three areas in which we try to pass the blame off at the beginning of this blog. One was while at church. This is one I hear a lot. It seems that we get upset at a church and instead of looking within our own hearts for why we are upset we blame the church and try to find another one. Then when we are at the new one the same problems arise and its back to square 1 and us finding a new church again. Who would you say is to blame for that? Is it every church or maybe is it deeper?

How about the second example of friends. We fall into a life style of drinking or partying or sex or anything. Whose fault is it? Well lets blame our friends that just seems like the easy excuse. And sure maybe your friends tempted you to drink or go to that party but could you have not said no? I have met people who when they started drinking they said that it was just going to be one here and there and it wasn't going to be bad, and the next thing I know they were drinking all the time and were going past their limits. Whose fault is that? Their friends?

What about the final example of organizations? This could go for any organization religious or not. We tend to get frustrated to the point that we give up or just complain all the time. Is that right? Now yes many organizations have problems but what is the root of that problem? Another question is what are you truly doing to fix it? Too often we see problems and instead of trying to fix them we gossip about them and in turn make things worse. But we still blame ether the person in charge or other people in the organization instead of ever looking at ourselves. Is that right?

The bad problem in all these situations is that we cannot ever admit that we are ever in the wrong. I am probably the worst at this. I truthfully would rather blame someone else for why my life is messed up then ever admit that maybe deep down it is all because of me and my hidden sin. For example I once worked at a church for a short time in which I blamed everything that went wrong on the church instead of ever taking a good deep look inside my heart to see if maybe there was more to it. If I look back now I have to admit that I was not in a good place and a lot of went wrong boiled down to my own sin. Why are we so scared of admitting that maybe when everything is going wrong that maybe it has something to do with us?

It is tough to even think about admitting that part of the problem is our own sin. Honestly if every time you walk into church you get mad or just feel like everything is wrong, check your heart. When you walk into church you are going to praise and worship the creator of the world. Even at what some would consider the worst churches you can still encounter God if you seek him. And the moment you stop seeking him you are sinning.

In an organization it will fall apart if the members are not willing to be honest with each other. Too often we get upset with people in those situations and instead of talking to the person we are upset with we end up gossiping and complaining about them to everyone. Which in turn makes us fall into sin. We need to begin to follow what the bible says in these situations and if we have a problem go and talk out with the person. You know the bible says in Matthew 5 that if you have a problem with someone or someone has a problem with you, you are not supposed to make an offering to God until you go and seek out that person and reconcile. We need to begin to follow that model because the reason things may not be working is because deep down there are some issues between people that just simply need to be talked out by them and not anyone else.

I admit this is a very long blog but I was really thinking about this tonight. We lose sight on God and the fact that we are sinful. There is no way around that truth. So as you think about this today take a deep look into your own life and figure out what is holding you back. Unconfessed sin to God is sin that is holding you back from worshiping Him fully. It is time for us to step up and stop hiding behind all our excuses and confess that maybe its our sinful state that is causing these things. And if it is things like Parties or drinking or things like that maybe its time for us to confess to it being our own sinful desires and turn our back on that. Truly seek him today and find out with He wants to teach you. God will help you if you want it.

I love you all

Brent

My Writing Journey

Would it be interesting for you to learn that the one main thing I wanted to be as a kid was a writer? To be able to make up characters and stories seemed like a dream come true. All I would have to do is put pen to paper and I would be able to fly away to another land or another life. Now don't get me wrong I love my life but the idea that all I would have to do is write a story and I could drift away to a life I could never live sounded amazing. Even as a kid I would come up with the weirdest stories of, shoot outs, to destroying aliens, all the way to becoming the best football player ever. These stories helped me to develop into the person I am today.

I must admit that I had this dream up until about junior year of high school. That is the year that my love for writing faded away. You may wonder what happened but don't fear because I am going to tell you. My junior year of High School I was in an Honor's English class and our portfolio piece for that year was a short story. I was totally pumped because I had been working on a piece for awhile and really wanted some input on it. Now understand that up to this point in English classes I had done really well. I had people encouraging me about my writing and giving me good criticism in hopes of making my writing better. But my junior year started a downward spiral that over the next 2 years made me lose a love for writing.

When I turned in my short story my teacher ripped it apart and instead of trying to help me with it told me it would better if I learned to write again. This was very heart breaking and whenever I tried to work with him on it he really was not willing to help. This discouraged me a lot. I ended up getting my lowest English grade in that class. I did so badly that instead of being recommended for AP English for my senior year I ended up being put in College Prep English. My senior year was even worse than my Junior.

Senior Year of High School in Kentucky is the year that you finish up your writing portfolio and submit it to be graded. I had worked pretty hard on it but yet I still needed one more piece to complete it. With the help of a teacher I wrote out a short poem based off my short story from the year before. When I finally submitted the piece my teacher confronted me about plagiarism and told me that the teacher who helped me with it had to of written it. This discouraged me deeply because I had worked very hard on that poem. Poems were not something I was good at. The reason I had help was because the teacher was having to help teach me how to write a good poem. That whole drama even escalated to the point were I had to sit down with one of the vice principles. I ended up telling the Vice Principle that I am not writing another piece and if that means I flunk my portfolio so be it.

I was so discouraged by this but thankfully they ended up accepting my portfolio. I even received a Distinguished score on it which was the highest score you could receive but from that point on for about 3 years my desire to write anything went out the window. I never tried very hard and in college tended to turn in my first draft of papers. Effort was something I never put in anymore.

So how did I get from being apathetic to writing to writing this blog? Well to answer that I have to go to my Junior year of college. At that point I was going through some tough times and was trying to find an outlet for my struggles. I began to just write it all down and slowly the love for writing returned. I could easily begin to write and off I would go into another world. I could go back to a time when things were easier or just go into another universe. Since then writing has helped me express myself in many ways. Of course in my blog I do not put a lot of effort into grammar and punctuation but the love has returned. Do I think I will ever write a book? I am not sure but it would be kind of fun.

Well thanks for taking the time to read my journey as a writer. I was having writers block so I thought writing about this journey would be good. Hope you enjoyed.

Lord I cling to you

Lord you have put me here for a reason, even if that reason is sometimes hard to see or understand. You called me away to places that were unknown to me and now you have called me back to familiar ground. Lord I must admit that I am confused as to your plans for me. Have I confused your call on my life, am I just lost in the desert  looking for a sign to point me in the right direction? Lord I know you are God, the one who makes what seems impossible possible. Your time table is very different then mine and it truly is your will that is to be done and not my own. So Lord teach me to follow you in the midst of the confusion that life brings. Teach me to seek you even when the road seems dark and I seem to have no where to go. Lord you are “ The Way, The Truth and The Life” teach me to seek you more everyday. I know this road is dark and I seem lost but Lord I will cling on to the hope you offer because only you can save me from the fall. Lord I cling to you.

LIfe Update

So i went on and submitted my application for admissions to Southern Seminary. This is not because I made up my mind to transfer or anything like that. I just want to make sure that I leave that door open because if I wait to long and I feel lead there I would miss the application deadline.

This part is pointless but I think it is interesting:
I did when I applied there change my degree from what it currently is down here at Southwestern. Southern has a Masters in Arts in Discipleship and Family Ministry. It is a shorter degree then I currently have but I felt that since I have a college degree in religious studies a lot of the classes I am taking I have already had once or in the case of greek twice. 

I said that part is pointless since I have not made a decision yet I just thought it was interesting. I am continuing to seek God in this decision. Just felt like giving a little update.

I May Transfer.

So I am really thinking about transferring to Southern Seminary. I know some people will say this is because I miss home or I miss friends or whatever, that is honestly not true. People who know me know that I am the most outgoing person around. I will make friends wherever I go and I have no problem finding things to do. Now I do have to admit that I hate the hot weather here and I do miss storms which do not seem to happen here. But to be honest with you all I have not felt at peace here. I believe that when you follow the will of God that there will be peace in what you do. It may not be easy and it could be the hardest thing ever to accomplish but we know in that that God is faithful and strengthens those he loves and offers peace to us. I believe a lot of times in my life I listen to God but I do not listen well. So maybe I wasn’t listening maybe something else. I am not sure but I am still praying about it and will make a decision by june or july.

I am open to advice from you all so feel free to comment. Love you all

Don't count God out, He has not given up on you!

I have not blogged in quite a long time. I have to admit that it was partially that spiritually I have been struggling. Praise God that he truly runs after his children and loves us all with a love that is unconditional and full of grace and mercy.  I sit here tonight wanting to write something that is on my heart. It has been awhile since I have written something that has pierced my heart and that I truly feel is something that everyone needs to hear. Tonight I sent a few dear friends of mine a text message with the message that simply said, “Don't count God out, He has not given up on you!” This was an interesting thing God put on my heart and I feel like He is still pulling my heart with this thought. That is why I write this tonight because we need to remember this.

So often things in life do not make sense and things keep going wrong. We have problems with relationships, with families, with money, and just life in general and it keeps spiraling downward it seems. During these times we feel like we need someone to blame and though we may not blame God personally sometime we can get angry with Him wondering why he seems so distant during these times. Some of us may not have a personal relationship with Christ or just feel like God cannot help us because we are way too dirty and messed up for Him to be able to care. You may feel like the endless pit you are in that there is no way that a God can honestly care for your brokenness. Some people may have such pain inside that even though they look good on the outside, inside they are broken and just screaming out for help.

With whatever you are going through I want you to know that you should never ever count God out, He has not given up on you! God is the only one who can rescue you from the pit you are in. You can try to fill up the void with riches, with pleasures, with drugs, with whatever but at the end of the day you know that the brokenness seems to remain. Once again I say you need to know not to count God out, he has not given up on you. Looking at scripture we see in Isaiah 40 that he says he will renew our strength when we seek him.

Some of you reading this may still be wondering how it is possible that God truly does care. It does not seem like he has ever shown that to me before. My friend I tell you that Christ showed his love and caring for you almost 2000 years ago when he left his thrown in heaven to become a man in order to save that which was lost. We were lost but God sent his son down to live a perfect life and to die for our sins. While Christ was hanging on the Cross dying he demonstrated true love by showing that he would never give up on his Children. Even if that meant going to a cross and dying for us, to demonstrate that. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” God did not die just for those who seem to have it all together he died so that he could save all. We see that in John 3:16 that God loved the world enough to send his son so that no one would perish.

To wrap this up I want you to know that God has not given up on you. He is constantly running after you. Just like the shepherd in Matthew 18 who left the 99 sheep to find the one who went astray. God is running after you, the question is, are you going to look for him? God cares for you and no matter how life gets, DO NOT COUNT GOD OUT, HE HAS NOT GIVEN UP ON YOU!!!

I pray for you all daily, love you all.